around here...6th April 2015

So after seeing a nice summary my friend Chel (from gingerblue.com) posted a while back on her blog, it sort of inspired me to start writing again.  I wanted to include some photos but that hasn't happened and if I waited for that, it might never happen, so here we go.

What's going on around here:

Looking back...
So, 2014.  The Year that Should Not Have Been.  Or more like, The Year I Never In a Million Years Would Have Imagined Possible.  Or more aptly titled, "Closing a Book on My Life and Starting Over".  After being in a relationship for almost half of my life, I will once again be single sometime in the near future.  Not only that, I will be a middle-aged single dad......That scares me immensely but I will survive.

My mantra has been, "It is what it is..."  Nothing to do now but to learn from my mistakes, and to focus on being a better father to my kids and a better person.


Thinking...
Don't ask.  This changes day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.  Mostly right now it's been focused on trying to save money or make more money because financially, it's been tough, REALLY tough.  My emotions are on a rollercoaster and there are good days when everything is going okay and things are relatively "normal", and there are bad days when I feel like I'm at the bottom of a deep well with no way to get out.  I'm really trying to focus on being comfortable being "alone" and that's been a little difficult.  Having shared a residence with someone ever since I was out of HS, it's been somewhat of a learning curve having a place all to myself.  Also having been in a relationship for nearly half of my life, I've really needed to come to terms about being content & satisfied being relationship-free.  That urge of needing or having someone around was (is) difficult to shake.

Getting off Facebook has really helped in this regard.  Some called it selfish when I announced my departure from Facebook, but I feel like it's something I really needed to do.  Not that I'm not happy for my friends & family with the good things happening to them.  But seeing them do things I can't do, travel places I can't travel to, and having good relationships I don't have, it was getting me down.  I realize that Facebook is everyone's "Greatest Hits", but I needed to get away from that.  I didn't need to see all the fun I was missing out on nor feel guilty I couldn't do things that other people were doing.  At this point in my life, I really needed to focus on getting me to a better place emotionally and Facebook wasn't helping.  After all, I DO know people who don't use Facebook.  If they can do without, then I should be able to as well.

What's interesting to me after being off for 3 months is just how pervasive Facebook is in everyday life.  I've run into friends I haven't seen in a while and there are many, many conversations that revolve around things that have been announced, shared or discussed on Facebook, and the conversations assume that I know about these things.  It's a given that people know just about everything that's going on on Facebook.  I have to remind them to get me caught up because I really had no clue whatsoever with what they were talking about.  It's also made conversations with friends more interesting now because now we actually have stuff to talk about instead of automatically knowing what each person is doing.

I suspect I'll be back on Facebook someday, but for now, the self-imposed ban continues.


Arkansas outside...
Weather has been a little nuts lately....the highs have been very pleasant for the most part, in the 50s and 60s.  But the nights are cool.  Nearly everyday has chance of rain or scattered thunderstorms so that's put a damper on outdoor activities.   I put myself on a self-imposed ban from cycling for a couple of months (just to get other stuff in order) but I realized that was a stupid thing to do.  Cycling is my life-blood and going without has made me a considerably grumpier, unhappier person.  There's no reason I can't take a couple of hours out of the 168 hrs every week to do one bike ride.


with the kiddos...
Disc golf, park time, hiking, bike rides, Museum of Discovery.  At home, we've really been getting into Settlers of Catan + Cities and Knights Expansion and Dominion.  We tent-camped in the backyard last weekend and even hiked to the top of Pinnacle Mtn which was Alison's first time to the top.  Proud of my 5-yr old for her perseverance.  And um, yeah....Connor turned 10 a month ago and Alison turned 5 a couple of weeks ago.  Time really flies.


fitness....
This is taking the back burner for the time being, as a result of needing to make better use of my free time.  I've gotten in a couple of rides here and there and a run or two as well.  But nowhere even close to what I need.  I keep telling myself it's temporary and once things settle down, I can resume my regular weekly rides.  I did get a small, unexpected check from work so I splurged a bit and bought a Garmin Forerunner 310XT fitness watch which happened to be a great deal.  I love how I can use it for running and cycling and how it will automatically upload to my computer and sync with Strava.  Much more revolutionary since my previous Garmin Edge I had (and since sold) 5 years ago.


Reading...
My reading these days has been primarily limited to children's books.  Remember how I said one of the things I'm working on is being a better father?  Well, I never really read much to my kids in the past, but I've definitely turned that around.  We'll hit the public library every month or so and reading books at bedtime has become routine when I have the kids with me.  Their latest favorites are: Tyrannosaurus Dad, Rosie Revere, Engineer, One Dark Night, Bike Rodeo.

But I also was recommended, "Practicing the Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle last year when I was first separated.  It is definitely a thought-provoking book, not all to be read at once, and definitely best digested over many readings.  But in a nutshell, it talks about how the past is done and gone, and no matter what, you can't change it.  It's not worth dwelling on.  Try to learn from your mistakes and move on.  The future is unknowable and unpredictable so there's no sense in fretting about what may be (or not be, as the case may be).  The only thing you have control over is the NOW so that's where you should focus your energies.  It's definitely helped put things into perspective.

Oh, and I haven't read it yet, but I mean to....The Five Love Languages.  I've explored the website and determined my Love Language.  I now need to read the book too.  Seems like a useful quiz to take for yourself & loved ones for any relationship you have.  This is one regret that I didn't read this sooner.  Now the only question I have is whether one of my love languages is my actual love language or a perceived one (i.e., I wasn't receiving that in my marriage so the perceived lack of it made it one)?

Braden just got a copy of Ready Player One from his lootcrate and I read it based on his recommendation.  Think virtual reality scavenger hunt but with a zillion 80s pop culture & gaming references thrown in.  I enjoyed it so much I'm on my second read through.  I also found my copy of Rising Tide so I'm about to go through that for the second time.


Hearing...
I've been trying so desperately to break out of my usual listening habits (classic rock & hard rock).  So far I seem to keep coming back to Linkin Park and Coldplay.  Nothing revolutionary mind you, but I've really enjoyed their respective Pandora stations.


Watching...
I can't tell you how many TV series I've started the past couple of years that still remain unfinished.  I almost need to start a list to keep track of where I am with each series so when I start them back up I know where to start from.  Fringe, Parenthood, Chuck, The West Wing, The Blacklist, Justified, Prison Break, Orange is the New Black, Transparent, Deadwood, just to name a few.  Scratch Deadwood.  Managed to finish that off in the last month.

However, my latest binge addiction that I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit is watching Gilmore Girls.  And I fully have plans to follow this one out to the very end.  I've been a huge fan of Lauren Graham ever since I saw her in Parenthood.  I was told that if I liked her in Parenthood, I would probably like her in Gilmore Girls.  It's a fun show focusing on the relationship of a single mom and her college-bound daughter.  I LOVE all the cultural references spread abundantly through the show.  The characters are fun, interesting, and make for some interesting dynamics.

I also finished off Mozart in the Jungle (Amazon Prime exclusive) which was really quite good.  It looks at the inner workings of a symphony, particularly following a brand-new, brash, young director and an aspiring oboist trying to make it big.  In a world where classical music isn't very mainstream, they make it intriguing and worth following.  From that, I started watching Transparent, another Amazon Prime exclusive. I've only watched a few episodes but it talks about a slightly past-middle aged father who comes out as transgender to his adult children.

And I was recommended House of Cards from a co-worker so I re-watched Season 1 & promptly blasted through until I was caught up with that.  And same goes for Hell on Wheels.  Both excellent shows.


Looking forward...
Springtime in Arkansas is my favorite.  Warmer temperatures, longer days.  Mtb racing will be starting back up soon.  Game of Thrones is my one & only "must-see" TV so that will be starting up in a couple of weeks.

My chance to meet The Pioneer Woman - Ree Drummond, NYT best-selling author!

Last night, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet one of my internet "heroes" I've come to admire and adore (in a truly platonic sense, trust me!). Ree Drummond, author of The Pioneer Woman blog, stopped in Little Rock to do a book signing of her NYT #1 bestselling cookbook - The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl. The only downside was the BEST Arkansas had to offer a NYT bestselling author was a WALMART, of all places.

The book signing was scheduled to start at 6pm, but with Ariel having piano lessons until 6:30pm, the earliest I could get there was 7pm. I even pleaded with my wife to see if she could skip her piano lesson, just this once. "Nope," she told me, "she already missed a couple of weeks ago. You're just going to have to wait to meet your internet icon." And with Braden starting basketball practice, there was no way for Jen to get out there either. As the time started getting closer, I started thinking about what I would say to Ree when I met her. After all, here I was, getting to meet a true internet celebrity! Should I tell her how much I enjoy her recipes? Should I tell her what a big fan I am of her photography? What about homeschooling? My mind raced a million miles a minute as I searched for the perfect combination.

As Ariel and I drove out to the Walmart at the outskirts of town, I wondered how many people were going to be there. After all, this IS Arkansas. How many fans in Little Rock could she really have? "Maybe the line will be thinned out by the time we get there," I mused to myself. When we got there, I was in shock. There was a line. A OMGXOBXHUEG line. In fact, the line started at the front of the store, ran down the middle aisle all the way to the back of the store as far as I could see. Any hope for a quick meet, greet, and sign was dashed.

I think the song "Women" from Def Leppard summed it up best:

"Women! Women! Lots of pretty women..."
"Men! Men! They sure feel out of place among them!"

Okay, so I took some liberties with the lyrics but still. Yeah, I felt a bit out of place being one of the few men in line. Ok, I felt QUITE a bit out of place being one of the few UNACCOMPANIED men in line. There were a few men, but most were there with their significant others. While I on the other hand, was there for myself. Yep, I can proudly say that I fall firmly in category #3 from Ree's list: I was there of my own accord.

Ariel and I made our way to the back of the line which turned the corner and then went down another couple of aisles. By the time the line reached Ree from where we started, I had plenty of time to peruse DVDs (nearly the entire $5 rack), crappy videogames, towels, men's clothes, and jewelry. In fact, about 2 hrs and 50 minutes worth of time.

I was soon joined by 3 beautiful, charming women in line behind me that I struck up a conversation with. One of them had a beautiful, gorgeous infant baby girl. Like myself, they each had a handful of kids, were homeschoolers, and obviously fans of PW. My only regret was not getting their names, so if you're reading this let me know! They asked me if I was there for my wife or if I was there for myself. I proudly admitted that I was there for myself and that I fell firmly in category #3. If there was any doubt that I actually read PW's blog, that statement right there quashed it completely. They were impressed, I could tell. They were even more impressed that I had tried out several of her recipes. Yes, ladies, I cook, I photograph, and I blog (well, used to anyway).

At one point, I said loudly, "I would guess we would have at least 2 hrs to wait until we reached PW." Shortly after that, a couple of women in front of me left altogether. I joked even more loudly, "I mean, I think it's going to take at least 3 hrs..." Sadly, unknown to me at that time, that prediction would be more accurate.

The women behind commented on how they had to make themselves presentable before coming out to meet Ree. After all, they didn't want her to think they were a bunch of frumpy housewives. I laughed. Women. But then again, the thought did cross MY mind as well with regard to what I was wearing. Blue fleece pullover or plaid short-sleeved checkered shirt? I decided to go with the outdoor, rugged look and kept my pullover on. Not that I was trying to compete against Marlboro Man. Ok, maybe I was. Just a little.

The line continued to shuffle forward slowly and I continued to joke around with my neighbors. You had to do SOMETHING to pass the time. In a Walmart, no less. Poor Ariel - I do have to give props to her for enduring the entire evening with me. I think she saw just about everything she wanted (and then some) at Walmart that night. It wasn't until she started get stalked by this creepy older gentleman did she come and join me in line. The ladies behind commented that he had been there the entire time, walking the aisles. CREEPY.

At one point, shortly after we turned the first corner, someone walked by and said that Marlboro Man was there and was signing her book as well. As soon as she said that, in perfect sync, every single pair of female eyes turned towards the front of the store and necks were craned searching for his manly goodness. I do believe I spied more than a few ladies starting to drool. Ha! All I could think was what NOT to say to Ree that would get me pummeled by her cowboy. Yeah, that would not be good, and downright embarrassing surrounded by all those women.

As we got closer and closer, we started seeing these cute, little post-it notes that someone ahead of us had left. One said, "life is short, this line is long." Another said, "photography moment ahead" (referring to Marlboro Man). Those made us all chuckle as we waited for the next note to come into eyeshot.

I noticed a couple of women ahead of start pruning and brushing their hair as they waited to meet Marlboro Man. As if they had any chance...

Then again, one of my newfound friends had taken her boots off (because they made her feet hurt), but was putting them back on as we approached Marlboro Man. I told her he probably wouldn't even notice she was shoeless. She replied, "but the boots make me taller!" I guess every little bit helps. I considered dropping to the ground and doing several dozen push-ups and puffing out my chest, but even on my best day, there was no way I was going to come close to matching up with MM. Working in an office all day in front of a computer doesn't go very far in developing a manly musculature that working on a ranch does.

I eventually made my way up to Marlboro Man and handed him my book. I was at a loss for words. After all, what does one man (with a penchant for photography, blogging and cooking) say to one who is into none of those things? I ended up asking him if he was looking forward to going home and spending several days with his family. I thanked him for accompanying her and coming out to Little Rock to see us. Short, sweet, to the point. Pretty typical of any conversation between men that doesn't involve sports, guns, women, or beer.

In no time, we finally turned the final corner and Ree was just a few feet away! I readied my camera and instructed Ariel on what kind of shots I wanted. Everything I wanted to say to her became all swirled up in my excitement. I knew I wanted to say something about taking pictures of homeschooling fudge or something. I started to feel like Koothrappali from the TV show "The Big Bang Theory" who becomes mute around beautiful women.

Eventually, it was my turn. I turned Ariel loose and handled my book to Ree. I smiled. She smiled back. I blurted out something about how I was one of her #3 category guys. She laughed. I ended up telling her I was a huge fan and that we were also a homeschooling family. She asked me how many kids I had and I told her I had 3 with one of the way in March. She told me congratulations and finished signing my book, all the while while MM looked on from the side. I'm sure he was there to make sure I wasn't going to attempt to make any sort of advances. As she reached for the next book, I asked timidly if she would mind very much if I had a photo taken with her. "Not at all," she replied. I walked slowly behind the table and kneeled down next to her, being careful not to appear to be some crazed, obsessed, stalker type. Ariel took a photo while MM snapped several next to her. There was an awkward pause as I continued posing hoping Ariel would take a few more. Nothing. The awkward pause dragged into even more ultimate awkwardness. Okay, time to go. I thanked Ree one last time and bid her good luck. It was only way later did I realize I didn't even tell her my name! I mean, I know it was on the note and all, but still....btw, Ree, my name is Cliff!

It was truly a special moment, and I'll think of it every time I crack open her cookbook. As a semi-blogger, I'm always impressed by those who manage to make it "big" in the blogging world. She definitely deserves all the success she has worked for. I hope it won't be the last time I get to meet her! Thanks again Ree, for coming here. Your Arkansas fans sure appreciate it!

Like we said, first comes A for Ariel, and then B for Braden, and now...

C - for Connor Andrew [chinese name TBD] Li

We like the name Connor so much that we couldn't NOT use it, and then Andrew is named for my father - Ned. So his initials (without the Chinese name) will be CAL - not unlike his first cousin Calvin. :D

Isn't that just perfect?

Everyone is still doing wonderfully - Connor & I napped earlier today, and Connor & Jen are napping right now.

The Day After...

Everyone slept wonderfully last night - Jen told me the baby nursed all night long with no problems whatsoever. Going to spend the day with our new little guy relaxing & getting to know him better.

But of course, more photos:

It's a...

BOY!!

Baby boy (name still TBD) was born in the birth pool at 3:50pm CST at a whopping 8 lbs 10 oz. :) Jen & baby are doing wonderfully. More later, but here are some photos to tide you over:

Still going...

Contractions have continued to get stronger - Jen is doing awesome & continuing to vocalize through the pain. She still in the birth pool and feel like things are opening up. Stay tuned...

Progressing nicely...

Jen is doing just great! The baby is no longer posterior (thanks to Cliff!) & is now positioned correctly, has good heart tones, and is all set to come out whenever that is! At last check, Jen is now dilated to 6cm - so things are progressing wonderfully. She's in the birth pool which seems to be helping her cope with the pain.